at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
