my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
