yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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