You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
