Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
