I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
3pm strippers are depressing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
