dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
