Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
