OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
