I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
