I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
