And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
