Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
cat food counts as protein by the way
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
