hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
