it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
