im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
