I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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