her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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