I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
