dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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