Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
third nipple confirmed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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