tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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