party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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