If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
