So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
