not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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