If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
