What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
