GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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