I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
