she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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