If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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