He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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