my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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