Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
