Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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