the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
