You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
