It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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