White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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