it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
