we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
