official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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