it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
