why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
