I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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