Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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