i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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