Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
