Cold hands, warm shart.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
