I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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