You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
