Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The uberlube is also flammable
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
