She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
