she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
