so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im part way to drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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