k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i've created a new STD.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
