Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
